How to Be a Perfect Christian by The Babylon Bee

Author:The Babylon Bee
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2018-05-01T04:00:00+00:00

Holiness Progress Tracker 5000

Wait, what? You backslid? Ugh.

You must have gone out and done actual ministry without letting everyone else do all the difficult, unglamorous work. What were you thinking?

You’d better get back on track if you ever want to achieve perfection. Stop messing around. We’ve got work to do!

*1 This is definitely the correct interpretation of this verse. We talked to dozens of prominent Bible scholars, and they all agreed, so there’s no need for you to go looking into it yourself. We got you, fam.

*2 Run, don’t walk, away from the conversation at the first possible moment. Jump in your car and floor it. Hanging around the church grounds too long after the service is unwise, as you’ll inevitably get asked time and again to serve in various ministries.

*3 According to the latest research, Judas Iscariot brought Jell-O filled with questionable fruit pieces.

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